One of my favorite things in the world is going to the Hollywood farmers market on Sundays; Discovering new foods, taking in the tables overflowing with colorful plants and connecting with the people who grew the food. It’s this special place where for a few hours a day, it’s about the relationship between plants and people.

This past Sunday was the first time in months that I’ve gone to my local market. It felt so good and I’d forgotten how much happiness I derive from this weekly ritual. I got home, made a delicious breakfast from my market haul and savored every bite, remembering how much better everything from the market tastes. As I finished my meal, for the first time in months, I felt content. Why had I denied myself this ritual that brought me so much pleasure? Every Sunday for the past few months, I would wake up and consider rushing to the market before work, but I’d choose to hurriedly fit in chores, or work on a side project, decisions that were 100% motivated by productivity and guilt.

After neglecting my weekly market trip, I stopped making time to garden and paint and dance; All of the interests that feed and center me were slowly replaced with things that bring a false sense of pleasure like mindlessly shopping online (fucking ASOS) or drinking copious amounts of wine. Which led to telling myself bigger lies, like pursuing a career path because it’s what I “should” do.

I’ve missed so many opportunities because I was so focused on what I *should* be doing, and thought that I don’t deserve pleasure because I haven’t earned it. In response to this self-imposed pressure, I’ve attempted to fill every waking moment with HUSTLING!!! But in reality, all I’ve been doing is operating on burnout and hamster wheeling and on that wheel is a bloodshot-eyed hamster in my brain screeching, “ME WANT SUCCESS ME WANT APPROVAL IGNORE YOUR EMOTIONS DON’T FEEL JUST KEEP GOING!”

In a culture that glorifies being busy! and productive!, and tells us that pleasure is wasting time, we forget that we are human beings with limited emotional simplest things, like the sweetness of a strawberry or literally stopping to smell the roses, will bring magnitudes more satisfaction than cramming in another meeting or buying that thing we don’t really need. Pleasurable experiences feed the soul and align us with the divine wishes we all carry and establishes roots for innovation and spirituality. both emotions and bodily pleasure are deadened. Last Sunday reinforced my yearning to receive fulfilling pleasure, in every sense. I’m writing this to reconnect with my small community on here, because one of the things that brings me pleasure is writing and I want to set aside more time to do so.

My challenge is to make a list of the things that have never failed to bring you happiness. That once you’re on the other side of, you are incredibly fulfilled.

Be intentional and free up the time. We mindlessly give corporations like Netflix and Instagram hours upon hours of our weekly free time with nothing in return. Choose pleasure by taking a few of those hours back for yourself. Go to that dance class. Take a bath. Take yourself on an artist’s date. Find the supplies for that hobby you’ve been meaning to get around to.

I’m on a path of freeing myself by detaching pleasure from guilt. By replacing expectations I’ve been conditioned to think I desire with goals that are aligned with my truth, however outside-of-the-box they may be. I’m also working hard to evict the demonic brain hamster and replace it with DJ Khaled dropping motivational gems on a loop.

Which brings me to the change in direction for May Day Glow. Yes, I’ll still post about sustainable living, but I want to use this platform to be authentic and go deeper. And the beautiful thing about something that you create is that it will always be there, waiting to be what you need it to be.